Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day....

I have a love hate relationship with Mother's Day. It began 20 years ago when my mom passed away of cancer at the ripe old age of 46. For the next 10 years I would dread the holiday, because while everyone was talking about their wonderful mothers, and doing things for their wonderful mothers, I only wished I had a mother still around to be a part of my life. Sacrament meeting was always down right painful, and usually left me in tears.

10 years after my mother died I became a mom, and my outlook on Mother's Day changed. I loved and still love being a mom. My husband was always really good about making sure I was spoiled on Mother's Day. You see for me Mother's Day was a bigger deal than my birthday. I feel like my birthday is a date on a calendar, determined by more than anything else by a date 9 months earlier when my parents were apparently enjoying themselves.....I really did not have a whole lot to do with the situation. Now Mother's Day on the other hand, well I feel like I earn that holiday.

That still does not mean that Mother's Day was without pain. Four years ago on Mother's Day I had to teach the Relief Society lesson and it was on death. Oh yeah that was you can see how the holiday of Mother's Day seems to follow me like a dark cloud.

Since soon to be ex husband and I separated (FYI divorce paperwork filed last week, so he really is soon to be ex husband), I now face Mother's Day alone. Its a working holiday for me. It never dawned on me until I became a single parent that being a single parent on a holiday that celebrates being a parent SUCKS! (What I am saying is next year for Mother's Day, think about those single moms you know and realize that while all the world is celebrating mothers, and showering mother's with attention, single moms of young children are silently and quietly doing the same work they do every. single. day.)

I really was not looking forward to attending church today and hearing the men in the ward speak about how wonderful their wives are and what great mothers they are, all while I am struggling alone to keep my children entertained in Sacrament meeting.

We arrived a few minutes early, sat in our usual spot, and waited for the meeting to begin. After a few announcements the opening song began, Love at Home. Half way into the first verse I saw a good friend get up and leave the chapel crying. We were far enough in the back that I doubted very few people saw her. I watched her walk out of the chapel, and head toward the bathroom. It dawned on me the hymn we were singing was the very hymn she sang with her family, nearly 7 years ago while her 18 year old daughter died of cancer. I knew immediately I had to leave and go find her. I asked my 9 year old to sit quietly with the other children and I excused myself. As I was walking to the bathroom it dawned on me that Mother's Day is a hard day for a lot of women, for a lot of different reasons.

I entered the bathroom, looked under the stalls and saw her shoes. I told her I was there and she immediately opened the door and we hugged. Her life was not easy before her daughter died of cancer and it has not been easy since. In that brief moment we both understood that Mother's Day not only celebrates what we have, but also represents a loss of what we no longer have, but wish we did.

Like I said I have a love hate relationship with Mother's Day.


recover and thrive said...

thanks for sharing. peace.

kimbobim said...

I wish you peace & comfort on this day. I know very few women who love Mother's Day. Seems like a lot of women carry some sort of hurt that spills out on Mother's Day - my first confirmed pregnancy (after three years of trying) ended in miscarriage on Mother's Day morning. I should have a 15 year old daughter at my side, but I don't.
(ps - did the situation with your nursery leaders ever get worked out?)

Pieces of Me said...


Thanks for you wonderful comments! And sorry to hear about your pain with mother's day. I have never had a miscarriage, but from what I understand its very painful both physically but mostly emotionally.

Yes the nursery situation did get worked out. I have been meaning to blog about it, because the change happened only two weeks ago. IT TOOK SEVEN FREAKIN months for the bishop to make the change. He finally called the guy to be the fast offering coordinator. Like he could not have done that seven months ago? Its the prefect calling, he can do NO damage. (theft is NOT one of his issues...LOL)

So for the first time in seven months my daughter has been able to return to nursery. I now have to drag myself to Sunday school! What we had been doing was going home during Sunday School, grabbing something to eat, and then returning for Relief Society. I discovered with the break between Sacrament Meeting and RS, she would do ok in RS. And quite frankly if she didn't I really didn't care. The bishop's wife is in the RS presidency and if Katie was too disruptive, the bishop's wife could put the pressure on him to make the change! (I am so evil, I admit it...)

Sarah said...

Love that you are evil! :)