Anger. You got that in the last post. The thing I struggle with more than anything else is how to manager that anger? I know the potential anger has to do significant and long term damage. I have to have a relationship with him on some level, because we had three kids together, one of which is only three. We have a lot of years of raising kids together still ahead of us.
Most of all I don't want my children to carry the burden of my anger. It is my emotion. I own the emotion, I own the feeling. Its mine to work through. Its mine to process. How do you manager and process that anger in a way that is constructive, yet does the least amount of damage? I. don't. know.
What I do know is that yelling and screaming at him only provides a momentary release and never results in a positive outcome. I know that keeping it bottle up inside means that it comes out projected onto other people and situations that don't deserve that wrath. I know that I can't move forward until I move through the anger.
It's weighed heavily on my mind. Last week I was sitting in Relief Society soaking up the lesson on prayer. Toward the end of the lesson the teacher read a scripture that discussed praying for your enemies. Now I don't consider soon to be ex husband an enemy, but the idea is the same. To pray for, and about those that have offended you. Is this the magic pill to make the anger go away? I doubt it. But I do think it helps to soften the heart. I think it helps in allowing the anger to process. I think it helps in allowing the atonement to take hold and heal.
Its the first step.