Sunday, April 4, 2010


So often over the course of the last few years this journey has seemed like it has been all about my ex-husband. His admitting he was gay, his coming out, his changing, his leaving, his becoming an "authentic" person. HIM, HIS, HIM.

What about me? I have often left felt left behind, as he has ventured forward, brought new ideas and people into my life and expected me to accept unconditionally. Quite often any feelings I have had on the matter have been brushed away or set aside, as inconsequential, and trivial.

But this journey is not just about HIM, its about ME as well. Its about me learning, growing, struggling, and becoming a better person. For me its about forgiveness. I have to forgive him. I have to take all the angry, hate, and feelings of betrayal, and work through those emotions, so I can forgive. I can't heal until I can forgive. That is MY journey.


Sarah said...

I hear ya. Until I forgive people at church, and the church in general, I will never really be comfortable there again. But I need to be. So I need to forgive.

Why is it so hard, and what is the key?

mandi said...

We develop a place within ourselves that houses all of our hurt, anger, negativity, etc. . that protective spot. The adversary feeds on that space and it grows within us. We need to starve it. Develop awareness to when those feelings creep in and invite Christ's light to shine on it and diminish it. Sometimes it is a second by second process. But we must fight the battle. Too many have been lost already. (can you tell I've been reading? :)