I feel very broken right now. I don't feel whole. I feel like a shattered person. How can I not? Nearly everything I have known has changed or been challenged in the last two years.
In. Every. Aspect. Of. My. Life.
I want to heal, I really do, but life just seems to be getting in the way of healing. I feel like I am in the middle of cyclone, with objects continually being thrown at me. I deflect one object, only to have another object come hurling toward me. And I am left wondering how long can I continue to deflect objects? Will the objects ever stop coming? Will they slow down? At some point in time, aren't the objects going to run out?
I think I have reached my maximum capacity to deal with life and something new happens and I realize I have to reach, I have to grow, I have to extend and expand myself further than I thought possible. And I do it.
In this reaching, expanding, and growing, I am not alone. Quite often I feel alone, but I am not alone. I have good friends, I have family members that love me, but most importantly I have a Heavenly Father who knows, who understands, who care. But most importantly, who loves.
About Me
- Pieces of Me
- I am the former wife of a gay Mormon man. We were married more than 10 years but less than 20. We have three children. He has always known he was gay, I did not....He came out in early 2008. In some ways I feel like this glass called my life was dropped on the sidewalk in front of me and shattered into 1000 little pieces. I am walking along pickup up each small piece of glass, putting it into a box for reassembly later, knowing the glass reassembled will no longer appear as it once did. This blog represents my journey to reassemble the shattered remains.
6 comments:
My heart aches for you. I'm grateful you are able to feel the blessings of a Heavenly Father who helps you stretch and grow. You are in my prayers.
You are in my thoughts and prayers all the way on the East Coast.
I too often feel like the cyclone is circling...but then there are moments of clarity and peace that give me the push forward....
I'm glad you were able to express both your frustrations and some of the positives that remain. You have helped me to understand my wife a bit better and what a woman goes through when the man she thought she was married to reveals some that changes their relationship. As with Bravone, you are also in my prayers.
always know that you're not alone picking up the pieces - Heavenly Father is watching, helping you in little ways, tiny ways - little bits of strength - I send me strength to you! its a great day, eh?
I feel like I could have written this post. Yet onward we go, one day at a time, one moment of gratitude at a time, one raindrop on a rose or one whisker on a kitten, and eventually we will be able to see why God allowed us to have these struggles, how much pain it caused Him to watch us go through them, and what we have become because of it all.
God bless. :)
Oh, I just love you. Call me.
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