Recently ex-husband and I were having a discussion about the finishing touches of our divorce. He made a comment to me, without even realizing what he said or the impact on me, but it was reflective of his mind set.
He said: "I will be glad when this is all done, so I don't have to feel obligated any more"
It stung. That is what I am. That is what I represent. An obligation. He married me because the he felt "obligated" to, after all that is what good little obedient returned missionaries do. He had kids because he felt "obligated" to, after all that's what good little obedient Mormon men do. He fulfilled his husbandly duties because he felt "obligated", not even going to touch that one....
So sorry I had to be his "obligation." All I ever wanted to be was his wife.
About Me
- Pieces of Me
- I am the former wife of a gay Mormon man. We were married more than 10 years but less than 20. We have three children. He has always known he was gay, I did not....He came out in early 2008. In some ways I feel like this glass called my life was dropped on the sidewalk in front of me and shattered into 1000 little pieces. I am walking along pickup up each small piece of glass, putting it into a box for reassembly later, knowing the glass reassembled will no longer appear as it once did. This blog represents my journey to reassemble the shattered remains.
4 comments:
I'm sure there were many times when you and the family brought much more joy, and felt much less like the 'obligation' he now feels.
Time is always on the side of truth. Someday, he will realize how much he loved and enjoyed the 'obligations' of family. In the meantime, I hope you both find happiness.
I am so sorry you had to hear what he was, obviously, thinking. Hopefully he will, one day, realize how much you and the kids mean to him.
I sincerely hope you are able to move past this and find some level of happiness.
I was talking to another wife last night (not a blogger), and she mentioned how she would never recommend marriage to a woman for any young gay man because at some point when they decided they need to go find their own "Happily Ever After" the wife's happy ending comes to an abrupt end.
I need to start reading your blog more regularly so I am more prepared for what is yet to come. I am not looking forward to it.
Hang in there. Somehow we will make it through all of this. I hope you are well, and I really wish you lived closer!
It is possible to heal. Even for him. He could have stayed, but he bought into the lies. Sometimes the lies are just so much easier to believe than the truth. Now you have to shield yourself and the kids from the lies that would tear you down. You are beautiful, you are of great worth, and you will find great peace and joy. (There aren't many places on this blogosphere that I can get away with spouting that kind of propaganda!!)
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