Last summer in the midst of all the craziness of my life, I made a connection. A connection with a man, who was not my husband. He had a post on an Internet site, and I read it, and I immediately connected with it. I inherently understood what he was saying. I recall debating whether to send him an email, thinking to myself this was one of the more ridiculous things I had done. This guy was a total stranger, could be a stalker for all I knew, but yet deep down I knew he wasn't. I hit the "send" button.
A week of emailing back and forth and my connection was confirmed. We connected on so many levels, it was a bit unnerving that I could randomly meet someone I nearly instantly fell in love with. He made me laugh at a time when laughing was not part of my daily routine. He made me smile when I saw a new email from him, he made me feel safe and protected an allowed me to express anything and everything I was feeling without risk of retribution or judgement. He allowed me to cry. He was a friend. A friend who understood, a friend whom I connected to.
He is the heterosexual version of my husband. Its freaky when he expresses his struggles, and his emotions. On more than one occasion the words coming out of his mouth are the very same words I have heard from my husband. I guess that is probably one of the reason I feel connected to him, he is familiar. But at the same time he has many qualities that are very different from my husband, and are uniquely connected to me. We think alike. Within a very short period of time we could almost finish each others sentences. We have a connection in many ways I can't even begin to describe....I just feel its existence.
But.........he is married. (As you can imagine if he is talking to me there are issues there.....)
I know I shouldn't have, I know it is wrong, but I also know that he came into my life during a very dark period and provided the only existing light. I needed him, I depended on him.
It got too intense, too quickly, and we took a break for 6 months. No contact. It was hard. But I needed to know for me, if what I felt was situational or real, and I think he needed to decided that as well. Six months to the day up pops and email from him. He didn't forget, nor did I.
Future????????? Question: Is anything random?????