Sunday, August 30, 2009

More change.

In my last post I spoke about our decision to finalize our divorce. One thing I did not speak about was one of the reasons why......

Earlier in the year STBEH (soon to be ex-husband) met someone. His name is "T." I have not met T, but my children have, and they really like him. They have not spent a significant amount of time around T simply because STBEH did not want them to get too attached until he and T had decided the course that their relationship would take. I appreciated that.

Over the course of several months they have been working on their relationship and have reached the point where STBEH and T are seriously considering moving in together when the lease on STBEH's house is up at the end of November. They don't want to take that step until our divorce is finalized. I not only appreciate that, I respect that. But it does not make it easy.

I have not met T yet, primarily out of STBEH not wanting to hurt me even more, and wanting me to meet T when I felt ready. I need to get ready. T is going to play an increasing and larger role in STBEH's life, as well as the life of my children. I know there are going to be awkward moments, especially at first as we feel each other out. I know it is going stressful for STBEH as he brings together two people that he deeply loves in a desire that they can find some common ground to be friends. That in time we can all come together and be a part of each others lives.

For me its going to require more courage than just about anything I have faced in my life. I need to be an example to my children. As much as they like and enjoy "T" to them he is just a friend of daddy's. They don't understand that it is more than that. I need to be ok with it, so they can be ok with it.

I told STBEH that I needed time. Time to digest, time to process, time to accept. STBEH told me to take all the time I wanted, and I did not have to do anything until I felt ready.

I knew that it was only a matter of time before STBEH would be in a new relationship. He needs this relationship for him to continue to grow, develop and discover who he is. I want him to continue to grow develop and discover who he is. From everything I know about "T" he is a good guy. He seems very stable, not into drama, mature, he grounds STBEH. More importantly he really loves our kids, and is looking forward to being more involved in their lives. STBEH told me that T is the male version of me, I took that as a compliment.

I guess I always hoped that it would be me to have the first new relationship. I thought it would be easier for me to accept a new person in his life if their was someone for me. But like most of life, you hope, you plan, then you take what comes and accept it. Hopefully you accept it with grace and dignity.

Will be working on that.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

Wow. You have a great attitude. Your children's father is lucky to have someone like you to be such an understanding and genuine friend.

I am amazed at your growth and acceptance over the last year, for your ability to find peace and acceptance of your life. You have obviously been very blessed.

I wish you lived closer. It has been too long since I have seen you. We need to plan something. Let me know if you have some spare time that you can squeeze me into.