Twelve years ago today my husband and I were married. It was the happiest day of my life. I had loved him for years, wanted to marry him for years, and finally the time and circumstances were right.
Like most brides on their wedding day I could not have foreseen the road that laid ahead, nor would I have really wanted to know. I was blissfully happy to be marrying a wonderful man, whom I loved deeply. I had meticulous planned every detail of the wedding and reception, and everything went off without a hitch, turning out just as I had planned. If only you could plan life the way you can plan weddings....
As the years went by I learned to love him even more as we built our life together and had our three wonderful children. That is not to say we were not without problems and challenges, like EVERY marriage. That is not to say I did not make mistakes, and he did not make mistakes.
Time marched on and we have found ourselves at a cross road. My love for him has not changed, nor his love for me. What has changed is the nature of our relationship. Its emotionally intimate but not physically intimate. We have concluded that being friends is right for us, but being married is not.
This is the first anniversary I have spent apart from him. This is the first anniversary we have not physically expressed our love to each other, but it does not diminish in my mind the wonderful years we have had together. All evening Garth Brook's song "The dance" has been playing in my head for I truly believe that had I known 12 years ago what he future would bring, yes I would have missed the pain, but I also would have missed the dance.
Here's to 12 years of dancing.
About Me
- Pieces of Me
- I am the former wife of a gay Mormon man. We were married more than 10 years but less than 20. We have three children. He has always known he was gay, I did not....He came out in early 2008. In some ways I feel like this glass called my life was dropped on the sidewalk in front of me and shattered into 1000 little pieces. I am walking along pickup up each small piece of glass, putting it into a box for reassembly later, knowing the glass reassembled will no longer appear as it once did. This blog represents my journey to reassemble the shattered remains.
3 comments:
This was a beautiful post and it made me cry. I am in the same position as you but we have decided to stay married. I would not have given up the pain either to miss the dance.
I feel the same way. We will celebrate our 5 year anniversary in October, and had I known what struggles lay ahead, I don't know if I would have gone through with it. But I wouldn't in a million years wish away our son and the other special memories we've made together. I wish you luck and all the best with your future.
Wow, we are a unique group, aren't we. All of us with one major thing in common, all of us following slightly different paths, and all of us still not knowing what might lie ahead of us. It is comforting to hope that when mortality is over, we will be able to look back and see the path we have tread, and it will make sense. We will understand each bump in the road and be grateful for it, and not trade the experiences and burdens we had to bear.
We are very blessed to have the internet and each other.
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