Connections.

In my life there have been three people I have formed an immediate connection with. The type of connection that when you meet this person for the first time you have this immediate bond, like you have know each other for forever….. The first person was my husband, the second person was my best friend from law school and the third person was a friend I met last summer. All three are men.

All three of them can read my mind and finish my sentences on any given day. The best at doing this is clearly my husband. He knows my every thought, my every feeling, when I am hurt, when I am happy, and he also has always been able to warn me of danger. It’s an emotional connection I share with him too. I know what he thinks, I know what he feels, I know what he fears.

I fear losing that emotional connection and so does he. The ties that bind us are very strong. If those ties were not so strong decisions about our future would be easy. It’s also those same ties that cause us the greatest heartache and grief. I know that our friendship is complete, but our relationship as lovers is incomplete. We both yearn for something the other person can’t give us. We both feel unfulfilled.

It is the loss of that emotional connection that frightens me the most. I would feel so alone without him. I have come to rely on him and the wonderful emotional stability he brings into my life. In my mind divorce meant a complete severing of the ties. But what if it didn’t….

What if that emotional connection can continue on? We were friends first, and that is where our deepest emotional connection lies. That bond does not have to end simply because our marriage does. When I realized this all of the sudden divorce didn’t seem to be such a frighten thing, but rather a freeing of both of us to move forward in our lives, yet still have that connection that brings us together.