My new closet space. Believe it or not this is only shows about 60% of my clothes!After my husband came out of the closet, he literally moved out of our closet. Now I am, and always have been a clothes horse. There was full disclosure to my husband before we got married about my clothes buying tendencies and he knew that every month I was going to buy some new clothes, and agreed he would not prohibit me.
For me there is something about wearing a new outfit that makes me feel good about myself. But I also can’t wear a new outfit unless I got a steal of a deal on it. That is part of the fun for me, the hunt for the bargain. So while I have a lot of clothes, I don’t spend a TON of money, not even close to what my husband spends on his personal stuff. I also like mixing and matching stuff and an outfit is never complete without accessories. In college I once went and entire semester without wearing the same outfit twice. Definitely some pieces of my wardrobe got worn twice but in a new combination. So you can see it is a sickness I have had for a long time…
I am sure part of it relates to all my body image issues, see earlier post, but I honestly like looking good. I rarely leave the house without makeup on and I try to avoid the “frumpy” mom look. Admittedly in the area I live there are a lot of “Barbie” moms so there is also a certain pressure to fit in. (It always amazes me that even as grown women we revert to how we acted in high school and the insecurities from high school sometimes never seem resolved, Although “Barbie” mom aside, clearly I have had my clothing and body image issues for years, so living where I live did not cause the problem, only contributed to it.) I also have to have a lot of clothes, because I have a professional career where I have do dress a certain way, then there are my church clothes, and finally my every day mom clothes.
As a result there has never been enough closet space for me. I will say that while I do buy a lot of clothes, I also purge my closet frequently, and I don’t hang on to everything. With my husband’s coming out and moving out of the closet, suddenly it freed up more closet space for me. Re-organizing my closet was one of the first things I did when he moved out. Suddenly my clothes that had been squished together now had more room as they expanded out. I could more easily see what clothes I had. I discovered articles of clothing I had forgot about. And realized I needed to stay out of the mall for a while, because I really do have an obscene amount of clothes and shoes.
I honestly dress well because I want to. I generally don’t dress to impress other women, or other men, I dress to help me feel good about myself and my body. My husband has always known how important clothes are to me, yet probably only 5-6 times a year would he comment on anything I ever wore. I swore I could go naked and he would not notice. However had I been a naked guy that might have been a different story….. It has always been hard for me that I rarely got validation from him that I looked nice, when it was so important for my self esteem to look nice, and even more important to have the person I love notice. Just once it would have been nice to hear “You look HOT today.”
Well at least I have more closet space.
For me there is something about wearing a new outfit that makes me feel good about myself. But I also can’t wear a new outfit unless I got a steal of a deal on it. That is part of the fun for me, the hunt for the bargain. So while I have a lot of clothes, I don’t spend a TON of money, not even close to what my husband spends on his personal stuff. I also like mixing and matching stuff and an outfit is never complete without accessories. In college I once went and entire semester without wearing the same outfit twice. Definitely some pieces of my wardrobe got worn twice but in a new combination. So you can see it is a sickness I have had for a long time…
I am sure part of it relates to all my body image issues, see earlier post, but I honestly like looking good. I rarely leave the house without makeup on and I try to avoid the “frumpy” mom look. Admittedly in the area I live there are a lot of “Barbie” moms so there is also a certain pressure to fit in. (It always amazes me that even as grown women we revert to how we acted in high school and the insecurities from high school sometimes never seem resolved, Although “Barbie” mom aside, clearly I have had my clothing and body image issues for years, so living where I live did not cause the problem, only contributed to it.) I also have to have a lot of clothes, because I have a professional career where I have do dress a certain way, then there are my church clothes, and finally my every day mom clothes.
As a result there has never been enough closet space for me. I will say that while I do buy a lot of clothes, I also purge my closet frequently, and I don’t hang on to everything. With my husband’s coming out and moving out of the closet, suddenly it freed up more closet space for me. Re-organizing my closet was one of the first things I did when he moved out. Suddenly my clothes that had been squished together now had more room as they expanded out. I could more easily see what clothes I had. I discovered articles of clothing I had forgot about. And realized I needed to stay out of the mall for a while, because I really do have an obscene amount of clothes and shoes.
I honestly dress well because I want to. I generally don’t dress to impress other women, or other men, I dress to help me feel good about myself and my body. My husband has always known how important clothes are to me, yet probably only 5-6 times a year would he comment on anything I ever wore. I swore I could go naked and he would not notice. However had I been a naked guy that might have been a different story….. It has always been hard for me that I rarely got validation from him that I looked nice, when it was so important for my self esteem to look nice, and even more important to have the person I love notice. Just once it would have been nice to hear “You look HOT today.”
Well at least I have more closet space.
4 comments:
wow. I am jealous of your wardrobe and closet space.
way to look on the bright side!
One of these days you will have to have me over to make cards with you, or, you are welcome at our house any time! My stamps would really like to get used once in a while.
Its a deal!
Dear Pieces,
I just wanted to drop you a note and pray that you have a good Thanksgiving. I know life will never be the same. It may be hard to see, but it could be much better over time. I don't know why, but I feel to share an experience with you from my family.
Nearly 30 years ago, my aunt became very ill, and finally the doctors diagnosed her with an STD. She was shocked. Her husband had a lot of explaining to do. He revealed that he was gay. She went through the grieving process that I'm sure you are experiencing. I was young and remember only one comment she made about her ex husband. She said, "If he had left me for another woman, I could have at least competed."
Reading through your blog, I sense that over your marriage, you have felt or been made to feel that many of your marital problems were your fault. I suppose that is natural. I hope you now understand that what happened wasn't your fault. You could not have competed. He rarely complimented you on your looks. That is not because you are not beautiful.
I can tell from how you are handling things so far that you are a woman of spiritual depth and understanding. I have never met you, but to me you are beautiful. To your children you will always be beautiful. To Father, you are beautiful. Someday, I hope some lucky man will express the same to you.
My aunt loved him until the day he died of AIDS. She still loves him. Her life was made very difficult because of the choices he made, but she is a survivor. I admire her and I admire you.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Bravone
Bravone:
Thank you so much for you comments. You are right during the course of my marriage I was made to feel like a lot of the problems were my fault. I was not a perfect wife but I was a good one. And your aunt was right, I have felt the same way, another women I could have competed, but I lack the right equipment to compete with a man.
My head knows this is not my fault, but my heart is still working on that. In spite of that I know that while it is difficult now, I am going to be ok. I do however really worry about him. He is really struggling right now, and other than let him know how much I love him and that will never change there is little else I can do. I love my husband and I always will. That I know will never change.
My hope is that someday I will meet someone and be able to have a complete relationship. Whether that happens or not I have three children I love and adore and I have a big job ahead of me in continuing to be their mother and navigate them through all the changes.
Thank you for the comments on my blog, and I really enjoy reading your blog, it is wonderfully writen, and clearly expresses the growth and pain you have experienced. Keep writing!
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