Toto, we are not in Utah County anymore….

Recently I traveled out of town for a family function. Living in Utah is unique enough as it is, but Utah County is a whole world unto itself. Whenever I do leave the state I am amazed there is a whole world beyond the borders of Utah that looks and acts very different, and it reminds me I need to leave more often, in order to maintain balance in my life.

As I sat waiting for my flight I enjoyed the people watching. One of the first things I noticed was a young girl around 25 with bleached blonde hair walking from one airplane gate to the next. She was wearing a short, tight, black dress with black tights. Her skirt was too short and she kept tugging at it to pull it down. The black dress and tights were not as striking as her accessories. She had on neon pink stiletto boots that went about half way up her calf, with a matching neon scarf and hat. I was surprised she was not boarding the flight to Vegas, because she looked like a billboard you would see there.

Once arrived at my destination, I headed to the car rental counter only to find eight customers ahead of me and ONE clerk working the counter. I quickly surmised that I was going to be there for a while. I started looking at the customers in line ahead of me to pass the time. Directly ahead of me was a man I dubbed “Mr. Florida” He was a retiree, with silver/gray hair slicked back, with his aviator style glasses on. He wore tan polyester leisure pants with grey patent leather shoes. His wife, a similar looking retiree was with him.

As I looked ahead further in line I noticed one of the best female mullets I have ever seen. The lady was in her late 40’s early 50’s, but her hair was stuck in the 80’s. It was a dark red color, short and curly on top, with straight kind of side burn looking pieces by her ears, and of course long and straight in back. As I sat there I pondered if I could get a picture of this fine piece of time warped hair without being too obvious and having her husband come and physical remove my cell phone with a camera from my hand. Her back was to me, and so was his so one quick shot and I would be done. By the time I got the courage to take the picture it was their turn at the counter, and while I tried to get a picture, they were too far away for you to appreciate the fine specimen of hair she was sporting.

Finally a few minutes after I had joined the back of the line, and individual got in line behind me. I dubbed him “Mr. Cue Ball” due to his shaved head. He was kind of a Telly Savalas character, only weighing about 60 pounds more. He wasn’t fat, just thick. It was clear he worked out. He was not happy about the long line and lack of counter help, surmising as I did that it was going to be a long wait. As I stood in line and we moved forward he too moved forward, making comments under his breath about the lack of speedy service at the counter. He kept inching forward, closer and closer to me. Was it my perfume, did he think I smelled good that morning, and wanted more of my flavorful aroma? Maybe he was trying to “hit” on me, looking for a date while in Vegas, perhaps he wanted to say my long flowing curly locks smell terrific. NO. He was under the impression that if he violated my personal space to get closer to the front of the line that some how this would make the car rental clerk move faster and he would be on his way to his appointed destination sooner. By the time I got to the front of the line he was within 6 inches of my personal space, and I was feeling pretty uncomfortable to be unnecessarily violated by a complete stranger who clearly had room to step back a foot or two. I considered saying something to him, but then I looked at the size of his arms and recalled his already edgy state of mind I decided my personal space could be violated a little longer.

Too bad you can’t pass a deadly but silent one when you need it….that probably would have cured the problem! Note to self, eat more beans before next trip to ward off people who feel it necessary to violate my SPACE.