It was bound to happen. It was only a matter of time. I knew I could not avoid it forever.
My husband has a new “friend” whom I will call Mr. T. I first heard about him from my children. He had been at my husband’s house several weekends in a row. The kids talked glowingly about him and how much fun he was. It did not take long for me to conclude this was probably an individual my husband was interested in. My curiosity got the best of me and during a conversation we were having I asked, and yes I was told that this was a potential love interest, however Mr. T was bothered that my husband was still married. (I guess I should write a note of apology for holding out some hope of salvaging things….)
Then it happened…..Tuesday morning I was checking Facebook to see what was going on in the world, or at least the world of those people I consider my friends. I notice that a mutual friend my husband I have in common was tagged in an album on Facebook. It was an album of a party for the Academy Awards that I knew my husband attended on Sunday night. I began to look at the photos….and there it was, a photo of my husband sitting on the couch, cuddling, and holding hands with an individual I presume to be Mr. T. It was a sucker punch to the gut…..
At first I was in shock, not believing what was actually in front of my face. Then as the day wore on the reality sank in. Mr. T was sitting, cuddling, holding hands with the man I still wished would sit, cuddle and hold hands with me. Intellectually I knew this was not about me, but I am still waiting for someone to explain it to my emotions. I could not have felt more rejected, more cast off, more useless to the man I still love. I can’t give him what he needs, what he wants, what he values. And for all the success I have had in my life, for all the things I have accomplished, I can’t do the one thing that means the most…..at least to me…