I have decided I want to be an angel. I have been thinking about this for a while. I am a great mother, excel at my job, a really good friend, and a nice person and have my life together in every aspect except the relationship category. During a recent conversation with my husband it was pointed out that I am too controlling, too blunt and have no filter. Apparently it’s the tone of my voice, it’s condescending and intolerant, or at least it was to him.
When it comes to guys, especially in the LDS culture, I already have several strikes against me. First and foremost I don’t fit the mold, never have never will. I am a strong woman. I question things, people and ideas. I take very few things I face value. I have to know and understand for myself. I am cynical. Can’t help it, my sweetness was stolen by all the criminals I prosecuted. I am smart, and to a lot of guys that scares the shit out of them. I can go toe to toe intellectually with most anyone. That does not mean I am combative, to the contrary, I like to hear new ideas and view points, and consider those ideas and view points, even if they differ from mine. I love a good conversation. At my age it is unlikely I am going to change, and I am certainly not going to pretend to be something I am not.
You have to me a really secure man to be in a relationship with me. Most guys my age have not hit that secure stage yet. I have to say I like older guys, they are secure, have interesting life experience and generally are not out to prove anything. They can appreciate a women who can actually talk to them and engage their mind, as well as their……well you know what I mean. The problem with older guys, is they are beyond the “family” phase and I have young children.
So I have resigned myself that being an angel is the Celestial Kingdom will be just fine….after all can you really see me as a “second” wife?