Sunday, November 15, 2009

How did I become the bad guy???

Church as been testing my patience lately.....

I took a trip in October and while I was gone my ward felt the need to change nursery leaders. This did not come as a complete surprise to me because before I left the former nursery leader told me she was being released. (I have a two year old so clearly nursery affects me.)

I returned from my trip to find a couple had been called to the position. Now I have no issues with the wife, but the husband that is another matter.....

First, he (CP) is bi-polar, and does not control his condition with medication. If he controlled his condition with medication I would not have an issue. I have a brother in law who is bi-polar and controls his condition with medication, and I completely trust him with my children. When CP goes off his medication he gets violent. In April he was arrested for domestic battery, and domestic battery in front of his children. In July he was off his medication again and this time he was trying to get guns out of a locked gun cabinet. The SWAT team was called out to his house and he had to be talked out of his house (episode lasted 2 hours) and then was taken to a mental health facility. And these are just the incidents I am aware of because of my access to police reports.

Second, he admitted that in a prior ward he pulled the pants down on someone else's kid to spank the kid, because he thought the kid was acting inappropriately.

Third, (and this is only a minor concern) he is sue happy. To date he has sued two individuals in my ward for bogus claims. Both of which included claims of defamation of character because he believed these individuals were talking smack about him. Both law suits were thrown out by the judge because the claims were bogus, but not after both individuals spent considerable time and money defending themselves.

So I took my concerns to the bishop who said he would think and pray about it. I met with the bishop a week later and was told he prayed and his counselors prayed about it and they felt CP needed to stay in nursery. I was fuming. I told the bishop I prayed about it too, and felt my child should not be in nursery with him, so clearly we have competing answers. It went downhill from there. I basically slammed the door as I left the bishop's office.

My life is hard enough as it is, and this just makes it harder. I go to church alone, with my three kids who are 8, 5 and 2. So clearly having a spiritual experience at sacrament meeting is a no-go. The one and only spiritual experience I get each week is in Relief Society. I told the bishop that if CP was left in nursery I would not be taking my daughter to nursery. Which impacted me because I either had to leave after sacrament meeting, or attempt to take her to Relief Society, which in reality would mean no spiritual experience for me and disruptive to everyone else trying to have a spiritual experience.

In the last year since my husband and I separated this is only the second time I have even met with the bishop. I have not asked ANYTHING of the ward. I told him he really does not have any concept of my life, what I am asked to deal with on a daily basis, and how hard things are, and how I am trying to make the best of a difficult situation that I had no choice or control over.

Quite frankly I knew what the bishop's answer would be before I even met with him and I was prepared to accept it, what surprised me was how angry I became, I have not been that angry in a long time. I hate being that angry. I know I loose effectiveness, and I just hate the way it makes me feel.

Today as I was leaving after sacrament meeting, I was stopped by the first counselor in the Relief Society presidency who also happens to be the bishop's wife. We talked about the nursery issue for a while and I ended up with a lecture on how we should not judge others, but we should be accepting and loving. HELLO, I have a gay husband I think a know a thing or two about judging others???

All I am asking is that my kid not have to go to nursery with an individual who has recent KNOWN violent behavior, is not properly controlling his mental health, and admits to making poor judgement choices involving other people's children?????

But you know I am the bad guy.....


A.J. said...

Bishop is out of line someone who has a history of violence should not be with kids. Talk to your stake president mention the church being subject to law suits and or bad publicity for the church if some thing happens.

The Taylors said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah said...

Well, at least I'm not the only one who gets frustrated with their bishop, or who has to fight through church meetings alone with several children, not that knowing that makes it any easier. :)

Hang in there. It is okay to be angry. And you are not the bad guy, no matter what anyone says

I hope you are well! I have missed seeing you around here at well as in person. Take care.

mandi said...

What is up with these people? What happened to common sense???? I'm fuming! grrrr.