Change

A few weeks ago I looked around and realized I had adjusted to the "new normal" and it was nice. It was short lived. The thing about "normal" is it never stays "normal" for long, as change is introduced. Change came this weekend, and reminded me that normal is a journey, not a destination.

I was having a discussion with my STBEH (soon to be ex-husband), during which we agreed that we needed to stop sitting on the fence and file our divorce, before the end of the year. We have agreed on everything, and already divided everything, so it really is just a formality that we have the stipulated agreement prepared, signed and submitted to the judge. Admittedly its been something I have been avoiding. It is formally signifies the end. And in my mind it carries a certain stigma.

I have 17 cousins on my dad's side of the family, ranging in age from 25-57 and I am the first one to get divorced.

I have 24 cousins on my mom's side of the family ranging in age from 18-41, and there is only one divorce among them

You can see statistically speaking my family does not fall in line with the national average for divorce rates, and it is important to note that NO ONE in my family is or has judged me or my situation, but the sting and stigma still exists in my mind. Its like saying "Hey, guess what I failed at marriage!" Just put a big "looser" label on my head. "Yes my I know my kids will be screwed up for the rest of their natural lives because we couldn't work it out." I also know that all of this is completely irrationally thinking, but I think it none the less.

I also know that anticipation is probably worse than the actual deed its self.

Finally I know that I am very blessed. I have a great relationship with my STBEH, and with both put the interest of our children first, which I know will mitigate the disappointment they will feel when everything is finalized as they try to continue to adjust to the new normal.

It is a journey not a destination.